Bagel Bites
by Jade Dragoon 14
Summary: Xemnas has a bad day, but what do Bagel Bites have to do with it? read and find out


I just _love_ messing with Xemnas. Standard disclaimer applies. And yes, Xemnas really likes Diet Coke.

Bagel Bites

Ah, what a day it had been in Castle Oblivion. Number IX had put an entire floor out of commission with one of his sugar-high induced typhoons. Number VIII had set number III's dreadlocks on fire, and to top it all off, a very drunk X had lost one hundred thousand munny he didn't have in a poker game to XI. XI then proceeded to chase X around the castle, swinging his scythe and spewing death threats.

And now Xemnas was wet, tired, and one hundred thousand munny poorer from attempting to mop up the ninth floor hall, chasing III around with a bucket of water, and paying off X's debt.

Needless to say, Xemnas was not a happy Nobody.

But Xemnas was a reasonable Nobody. Things happened and getting angry would solve none of them.

Now Xemnas needed something to take his mind off of it. Hmmm…..ah, yes, food. He decided on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a tall glass of Diet Coke, then portalled to just outside the kitchen door and stuck his head in. "Good, nobody here," he thought.

He stepped through the door and began gathering the necessary food-making equipment from around The Kitchen That Never Was. Once Xemnas had acquired a plate, a glass, a knife and a loaf of bread, he strolled casually over to the fridge, opened the door, and was shocked to say the least.

There was no peanut butter or jelly or Diet Coke, just dozens and dozens of…red boxes, stacked one on top of another. Xemnas nearly ripped the door off of the hinges to discover more red boxes in the freezer. He stood there, jaw agape, then reached in and took out one of the boxes. "Bagel Bites?" he asked to no one in particular. Xemnas _despised_ Bagel Bites. He just stared at it, for what must have been at least ten minutes, until he realized who did the shopping that week.

"Vexen!"He called, his voice echoing off the colorless castle walls.

Down below his feet, in the basement, Xemnas heard several explosions and a very long string of curses. Then a dark portal appeared in the middle of the kitchen and the Chilly Academic stepped out

The portal disappeared. "What. Is. It." He said stressing each word, his green eyes even more poisonous than usual.

"What is this?" seethed Xemnas, gesturing to the box in his hand and the open freezer.

"Bagel Bites, obviously," replied Vexen, while rolling his eyes and crossing his skinny arms over his chest.

Xemnas had to admit this ordeal was making his skin crawl and his very short temper even shorter, but he was going to remain calm. Maybe number IV had misunderstood his question, so he tried again.

"I meant the fact that my entire fridge is filled with nothing but Bagel Bites."

Vexen's eyes narrowed. "Well, you did put me in charge of the shopping this week and I find Bagel Bites to be a very convenient meal when researching or experimenting. On another note, Bagel Bites' high protein content and fairly low amount of fat make them the ultimate energy source for those who are sleep deprived such as you and myself." Vexen was severely pissed at being dragged away from his research, but he never missed the opportunity to make someone else feel inferior, _especially _the Superior.

Still fighting to remain calm, Xemnas replied, "Who are you callin' sleep deprived?"

Vexen had him right where he wanted him."You do spend an obscene amount of time gawking at that infernal 'Kingdom Hearts', which is throwing your circadian rhythm off kilter."

Xemnas was a little steamed now, but still under control. "Stop with your sciency mumbo-jumbo, old man, and tell me why my fridge is full of this…this monstrosity!"

Vexen was closing in for the kill."I find their taste and texture quite pleasing to the eyes and taste buds."

Now there was only a thread that was keeping Xemnas' sanity intact. "In English!"

Vexen had his teeth around the jugular."I like them," he said simply, with a satisfied smirk.

The thread snapped and Xemnas lost all sense of reason. He stuck his right arm out and summoned a dark portal."Saix!" he yelled into it, "get your ass down here, now!"

A few seconds later, the Luna Diviner stepped out of the portal."Yes Superior."

Xemnas was a mad man now. "Kill me!"

"But that would be counterproductive, sir."

Xemnas' insanity induced screams could be heard in every room in the castle for the next seven hours.


End file.
